Muse or Artist ? the Pursuit of Inspiration


I’d lie if I didn’t plead guilty to having hankered for both roles- the artist and the muse’s. I’d be divulging, as a certain theory of mine sustains, even more than what was initially intended to get covered, exhibit a self distorted by omissions and ultimately gloss over the trait I savour most in humanity – our immanent dichotomy.

portraitSo, modest to no end, I’d rather avow my sort of voracious desire to experience artistic creation through every playable part, which fortuitously reverts to the two above mentioned. And justify the modesty bit by asserting I’ve actually managed to fulfill that intellectual lust in a long juggle with inspiration as alternately subject and object. Well, at least allegedly I did.

I’ve transitioned from drawing to helping others clot ideas subsequently given pictorial or written form, sketched out my own illusions and  provided material for those weaved around people who later attached to my character epithets I’d laugh about for weeks. There were times when I’d even merge the roles and use personal works to get someone stimulated. Not because I thought much of altruism, of course. I just genuinely relished the position it put me in, reasons unambiguous.

But it was not until I broke with a friend who also happened to be the only paradigmatic muse I’ve met that syncretism took over and carved me a whole new dimension of art.

So, prompted by a gaping need for a catalyst of the creativity mandatory to all professed artists, I began exploiting my duality in a yet unfinished series of self-portraits. To find a novel muse, I now turned to the mirror and when gazing back at me from the confinement of a glass frame proved unsatisfactory, I resorted to filming yours truly, a solution I still secretly surmise Dürer would’ve absolutely enjoyed.

Thus, for days on end I’d watch videos of me strolling about naked just to capture the exact fluidity of a motion I envisioned would perfectly conjure up some concept that had inflamed my imagination. Then drew it relentlessly, obsessively, to the brim of utter depersonalization.

But I was ultimately the only subject I wanted.

And, you see, I’ve previously written about narcissism and artists becoming their greatest masterpiece with immense interest, yet nothing I’ve discovered came quite close enough to the self sufficiency attained after that epiphany.

 Have you ever been through a similar phase?

Patricia Beykrat – the Roving Aesthete

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27 responses to “Muse or Artist ? the Pursuit of Inspiration

  1. Wow! I am just blown away with your mind! You are in a league so above and beyond I must say! Yes I need a dictionary to understand but just Wow! Amazing/Fantastic/Super Smart/Thought Provoking/Stimulating and just plain AWE! Thank you for turning me on……claudy

      • He certainly put ‘The Artist’ at the centre of art production and particularly the artist as a real individual and in a way isn’t that what you are also working with when you film yourself. There is ‘body view’ in the pictures, but also essence of you. Of course it is a mediated, construction of essence of you, but I think that is also something Dürer was trying to convey. Or, perhaps we are viewing Dürer through 21st-century tinted spectacles.

      • that might well be, but i rather incline to think that his view is one to transcend time, reason for which i still believe he would’ve immensely savoured a video of himself. profoundly knowing what’s inside and concomitantly observing it projected on the surface is material for the most complete portrait conceivable

  2. We often seek outwards for mystery; in a frenzied search for inspiration, we tend to neglect the vast unexplored worlds standing right before us, in the mirror…. the self is often the most disregarded, and I do speak for myself and all humanity.
    Keep up the great work, I am enjoying your journey to self-exploration.

  3. I have never once considered myself as a subject…..I am still looking outward. An intriguing prompt though, I can’t imagine filming myself naked, but I certainly see the merit in truly understanding your own body’s flow and grace of movement. You have given me much to think about 😉 Jackie

    • I’m glad to have given you something to take into consideration 🙂 I myself wouldn’t have imagined that posing for oneself could be even remotely productive but you’d be surprised… So good luck with your own introspection and who knows what may come of it?

  4. I think it´s hard for me to think as the muse…but I would love to take that approach, interesting…
    Thanks for liking my post!

  5. You remind me of the joy of a life drawing class, with students inspiring and encouraging each other. Odd and pleasing it is to think that a room might contain an equal number of artists and muses.

    • True. And even more odd and pleasing would be to realise all those artists in a life drawing class are facets of just one complex creator of art who encompasses a wide variety of viewpoints

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